Pilot's Log

Or put another way, do I have any right to be depressed that I don't seem particularly depressed? Of course, I'm not happy, but I feel bizarrely calm and level and grounded. Given my history, I'm wondering if I should be worried. Have I done too much of a job internalizing and intellectualizing my emotions?

I wonder what it would indicate about a person's situational intestinal fortitute if a person has a bowel movement--and the resulting deposits completely fill the commode bowl.

In other words, my emotions through Mom's medical situation are steadier than my actual physical condition, tho' I'm doing what I can.

Her recovery is much like the economic recovery: it could use a lot of help, and while we're seeing progress, it's nowhere near a done deal.

Sagittarius Horoscope for week of April 5, 2012

Researchers report that the typical man falls in love 5.4 times over the course of his life, while the average woman basks in the glow of this great mystery on 4.6 occasions. I suspect you may be close to having a .4 or .6 type of experience, Sagittarius: sort of like infatuation, but without the crazed mania. That could actually be a good thing. The challenging spiritual project that relationship offers may be most viable when the two people involved are not electrifyingly interwoven with every last one of their karmic threads. Maybe we have more slack in our quest for intimacy if we love but are not obsessed.

I've never actually met anybody I could even consider a .1 let alone a 1.0. But even a .05 could be a welcome experience for me, as right now I realize that I've been depressed for a long time now and ANYTHING that busts this funk wide open would be "good".

Sagittarius Horoscope for week of November 10, 2011

In Mongolia there's a famous fossil of two dinosaurs locked in mortal combat. Forever frozen in time, a Velociraptor is clawing a Protoceratops, which in turn is biting its enemy's arm. They've been holding that pose now for, oh, 80 million years or so. I'm shoving this image in your face, Sagittarius, so as to dare you and encourage you to withdraw from your old feuds and disputes. It's a perfect time, astrologically speaking, to give up any struggle that's not going to matter 80 million years from now.

Inner Judge, you have no more right to scold me for my misdeeds from childhood through College Age. They're done, they are NOT going to happen again, and I AM NOT the same boy I used to be. Find somebody else to shout at from the bench because I'm not under your Court Order anymore!

Nay, I am not dressing up for Halloween this time around. I'm just not in a party mood. We're ready for the little kid crowd if they come by, but they usually don't around here, because the schools and churches bend over backwards to throw parties for them.

Truth is, the level of discourse on the Web today scares me more than any haunted-house story. People just can't get along. The bad times have been bad so long that it's bringing out the bad in everybody. I just wonder how much worse it can get, or if it will ever get any better.

Aye, I received a JC Whitney Catalog for the first time in probably a decade today. It's not as much fun as it used to be, but it's all color (as opposed to NO color except the cover back in 1974 when I first saw them!) and the coolest stuff is included. The whole idea now is to point customers at their website or their phone sales line and have them place orders that way...you can't exactly buy much mail older from the catalog like you used to.

Moonshine could probably use some of the tweaks offered by Whitney, but the main brainstorm is still the as yet unacquired Bradley. I noticed that the site Electricar is a blog about a likeable project car, and I'll probably go over as much of that as I can.

MORE TO COME.

[Error: unknown template qotd]

The State of Tennessee. It just doesn't want me to be happy, or let me do anything I want to do.

Sagittarius Horoscope for week of September 8, 2011

The beauty contests in Saudi Arabia don't judge women on the basis of their physical appearance. A recent winner, Aya Ali al-Mulla, was crowned "Queen of Beautiful Morals" without ever revealing the face and form shrouded beneath her black head-to-toe garment. Instead, her excellence emerged during a series of psychological and social tests that evaluated her strength of character and service to family and society. I'd like to borrow this idea and apply it to you. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you could and should be a paragon of moral beauty in the coming week -- a shining example and inspiration to all the other signs of the zodiac.

I'm having a hard time believing this one, as lately I've been carrying a lot of evil in my being. At least I don't act on it, but I fear my own anger and bloodlust. I had a nightmare Sunday/Monday about watching somebody I know getting killed. I know it was my mind playing tricks on me, but I dread what my own behavior would be like if I were in a situation where I know somebody is about to die from unjust actions and being in no position to stop it--yet being in a position to summarily avenge it.

All of a sudden I want a t-shirt that reads "I Reject Your America And Substitute My Own!"

If there's a moral to be found: too often these days the fathers of commerce tell the underlings "we need results!--How you get them is your business, not ours!" And so they morally support the methods of the underlings' activities regardless of the risks. But the dice will always come up snakeeyes, eventually. "Plausible denial" ("Oh, we never asked how they got the information beyond verifying the sources") is no excuse anymore. At least, nobody is going to accept that as an excuse anymore.

[Error: unknown template qotd]

I think I already do.