frustratedpilot | Entries tagged with depression

Sagittarius Horoscope for week of June 18, 2015

Each of us has at least one pesky ghost or nagging demon that occupies a dark corner of our psyches. It may have been there for years, or we might have picked it up more recently during a phase of temporary insanity. In any case, most of us can benefit from conducting a periodic banishing ritual. Now would be prime time for you to do just that. Ready? With your imagination, draw a clockwise circle of your favorite-colored light on the floor or ground. Next, identify an image that makes you feel happy and safe, and visualize four versions of it at the four cardinal points, hovering three feet above your circle. Then say this: "I dissolve any hex and banish any pest that has been draining my energy. I purge any wasteful emotions, unsound ideas, and trivial desires that I may have grown attached to." To put the seal on your magic, laugh for two minutes.

Who has the breath to laugh for two solid minutes?

Sagittarius Horoscope for week of May 28, 2015

Petrarch was an influential 14th-century Italian poet whose main work was Song Book. It's a collection of 366 poems, most of which are dedicated to Laura, the woman he loved. For 40 years he churned out testaments of longing and appreciation for her, despite the fact that he and she never spent time together. She was married to another man, and was wrapped up in raising her eleven children. Should we judge Petrarch harshly for choosing a muse who was so unavailable? I don't. Muse-choosing is a mysterious and sacred process that transcends logic. I'm bringing the subject to your attention because you're entering a new phase in your relationship with muses. It's either time to choose a new one (or two?) or else adjust your bonds with your current muses.

My morale has been very low lately, and I have to apologize to the human race that I've been very poor company to keep. I'm mulling over re-configuring Chillin' Out for a possible Kindle Store, and other news in my life has me trying to figure out the usual depression and demoralization from outright self-loathing and anger. I don't know what would make me feel better.

Sagittarius Horoscope for week of March 12, 2015

One of your important assignments in the coming week is to get high without the use of drugs and alcohol. Let me elaborate. In my oracular opinion, you simply must escape the numbing trance of the daily rhythm. Experiencing altered states of awareness will provide you with crucial benefits. At the same time, you can't afford to risk hurting yourself, and it's essential to avoid stupidly excessive behavior that has negative repercussions. So what do you think? Do you have any methods to get sozzled and squiffed or jiggled and jingled that will also keep you sane and healthy?

I've got some balloons but I need helium gas. In theory I can get a cheapy tank at WallyWorld...but would it be worth the hassle?

Sagittarius Horoscope for week of February 19, 2015

In Herman Melville's short story "Bartleby, the Scrivener," a lawyer hires a man named Bartleby to work in his office. At first Bartleby is a model employee, carrying out his assignments with dogged skill. But one day everything begins to change. Whenever his boss instructs him to do a specific task, Bartleby says, "I would prefer not to." As the days go by, he does less and less, until finally he stops altogether. I'd like to propose, Sagittarius, that you take inspiration from his slowdown. Haven't you done enough for now? Haven't you been exemplary in your commitment to the daily struggle? Don't you deserve a break in the action so you can recharge your psychospiritual batteries? I say yes. Maybe you will consider making this your battle cry: "I would prefer not to."

I'm sure people who've known me and seen me lately would believe I'm already at this point and the only place to go from here is Bartleby's ultimate oblivion. But I want another choice!

Sagittarius Horoscope for week of November 1, 2012

Zombies used to be terrifying. But then they became a featured motif in pop culture, often in humorous contexts, and now there's a growing acceptance and even affection for them. Here's the view of Max Brooks, author of The Zombie Survival Guide: "Eventually rock and roll morphs from Sid Vicious to the Jonas Brothers. Same thing with vampires: We went from Dracula to Twilight to make them peachy and G-rated. I guarantee you someone is working on a way to take the fear out of zombies and market them to children." Your assignment, Sagittarius, is to do to your personal fears what the entertainment industry has done to zombies: Turn them into amusing caricatures that don't trouble you so much. For example, visualize an adversary singing a duet with Justin Bieber.

ICBMs loaded with My Little Pony toys? Neo-Nazis on the way to the Ethnic Cleansing derailed by a special on Deep-Fried Bacon Triple Angus Burgers at the Drive-In? A Sino-Viet-Japanese-Korean idol singer contest with Gangam Style dancing?

I don't think it's working.

I know I've been much quieter than normal lately. I guess I'm under a more covert, sublime form of depression as opposed to the usual demoralization. At this point, I'm of a mind that just letting it run its course, and not fighting it with self-medication, is the best of my few and far-between options.

I'm loathe to plunge into clearing out Mum's desk, even though it's been a month already. Is it understandable that I don't necessarily want to make that hole in my life that much bigger right away? I'll get it done...but I want to get it done right. I guess I said that before.

I took the battery pack out of Mum's 1999-vintage Rocket e-book reader; it hadn't held a charge for years and it's likely becoming a fire hazard. I'll have to see if it could function without the battery, and if the data is safe on it. If so, I'll replace the battery when I've got the money for one. (If not I'll probably salvage the screen for my flight simulation cockpit dashboard.)

Dad sold his Buick to my niece for $1 yesterday. He's got his Nissan truck now, so that may be his last motor vehicle. Depends on if he can still see well enough to drive after his eye surgery, which is still yet to be scheduled.

I was disappointed with the Indy 500 and the NASCAR race in Charlotte yesterday, even though the latter was the better of the two. Didn't get to see anything from Monaco, but I hear that the Red Bull team is being a bunch of sore winners.

A long time ago, in this journal, I related that I had a dream that I got to see a little of an alternative version of myself...another life being lived. That version of me had a different birthday, a different history, and many things I don't.

In a few hours, that other self will be celebrating Mother's Day with his wife and kids.

Of course, I have no way of knowing if his version of Jane is there with him, still alive.

I'm looking at a long dark teatime of the soul overmorrow.

I was wondering where Mum's Kobo e-reader was so this morning I got Dad to find it. It turned out that he had set it on his dresser without knowing what it was.

Tonight I finally figured out what I did wrong when it came to uploading Mum's books on it. Now they work.

It would have made her so proud and happy to see her own books on its screen. But she never got the chance.

I'm going to have a lot of times like this, I think.

Or put another way, do I have any right to be depressed that I don't seem particularly depressed? Of course, I'm not happy, but I feel bizarrely calm and level and grounded. Given my history, I'm wondering if I should be worried. Have I done too much of a job internalizing and intellectualizing my emotions?

I wonder what it would indicate about a person's situational intestinal fortitute if a person has a bowel movement--and the resulting deposits completely fill the commode bowl.

In other words, my emotions through Mom's medical situation are steadier than my actual physical condition, tho' I'm doing what I can.

Her recovery is much like the economic recovery: it could use a lot of help, and while we're seeing progress, it's nowhere near a done deal.

Sagittarius Horoscope for week of April 5, 2012

Researchers report that the typical man falls in love 5.4 times over the course of his life, while the average woman basks in the glow of this great mystery on 4.6 occasions. I suspect you may be close to having a .4 or .6 type of experience, Sagittarius: sort of like infatuation, but without the crazed mania. That could actually be a good thing. The challenging spiritual project that relationship offers may be most viable when the two people involved are not electrifyingly interwoven with every last one of their karmic threads. Maybe we have more slack in our quest for intimacy if we love but are not obsessed.

I've never actually met anybody I could even consider a .1 let alone a 1.0. But even a .05 could be a welcome experience for me, as right now I realize that I've been depressed for a long time now and ANYTHING that busts this funk wide open would be "good".

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When I saw Mom in her hospital bed after her surgery last year. Tho' I have to say there have been a great many close calls since.

Yes, that horrible storm system that hit the Southeast Wednesday night hit us too at Rather Manor. Luckily the blow wasn't a vital one as such...but Mom's garden was demolished. What hailstones and falling branches from stricken trees didn't crush was trampled underfoot by the recovery effort. Morale here isn't very good but we have to credit the British Royal Family and the wedding for getting Mom's spirits back above the red zone.

Cleanup and replanting are likely to take weeks. We hope to have help soon, but all across the area everybody has troubles of their own.

( One Of The Few Don Henley Songs I Don't Despise Or Have Tired Of )

Current Music: Don Henley -- Not Enough Love In The World

And the weather outside is dreary and blattering rain.

I'm not going to miss this month when it's gone in a few hours.

I'm still a little tired from all the running done on Saturday and a little worn from the up-and-down weather we've had here. Storms pop up and roll through and break, and then pop up again and roll through.

At least it's not like most Mondays.

Karl Jenkins' Requiem.

No more needs to be said on this subject.

...When I can't get to do anything I want to do or that's worth doing. It's dreary and chilly and rainy and blah. Granted, lots of other people in the world have it much worse than I do, but that fact is little consolation.

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To me it's been a bit of both this year...but for me the holidays still aren't over yet.

Meanwhile, I see there's a newbie reading my LJ today. Everybody, say "Hi" to

dizzy_spin! Welcome and make yourself comfortable.

( If You Were The Only One Suffering It, There Would Not Be A Name For It! )

Current Music: Elton John -- Someone Saved My Life

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Stephen R Bierce

Frustrated Pilot

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Pilot's Log

Where Very Little Happens

Entries tagged with depression

FreeWill Has A Case of the Giggles

FreeWill Looks For Love In All The Wrong Places

FreeWill's At A Pleasant Elevation

FreeWill Sleeps With Kings And Counselors

FreeWill Tries To Look Alive

It's Not A Bug, It's A Feature

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

Broke My Own Heart Tonight

Which Way Is Down?

Dangerously Close To TMI

Quantums Of Solace

Writer's Block: Hand me a tissue, please.

Extirpation

Going Through The Motions

Goodbye November

Nuthin' Doin'

An Addition To My List Of Music I Don't Want To Hear Again If I Can Help It

This Is One Of Those Days...

Writer's Block: The morning after

Music For Your Monday