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Memories I Don't Have For People
Dec. 6th, 2005 01:51 pmAnswers for the meme "please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me" and all that jazz:
* In the 1980s we went to Miami and got drunk with race car driver Danny Sullivan...but then he got arrested by the Miami Vice cops for something, I forget exactly what. We took a powerboat into the Bermuda Triangle after that. It sank, but we made it back to Florida by building a raft out of ganja bales. We would have been arrested ourselves but the flare gun burned up the evidence.
* There was that time we went surfing at Tuvalu and wound up stuck on the coral reef with those swimsuit models from Sports Illustrated...
* How about the time we were in Chicago, and broke into the Museum of Science & Industry after hours? You got in the cockpit of their Spitfire and I got in the tailgunner's seat of the Stuka and we made DAKKA-DAKKA-DAKKA noises at each other all night.
* You bought a new chainsaw, and needed to try it out, so we went to your hated uncle's place when he wasn't there and cut through all the load-bearing posts and beams. When he came back we were long gone, but had a webcam trained on the front door. The whole house imploded on cue like in the climax of Poultergeist!
* There was that party in Tampa where you insulted [insert sports celeb's name here] to his face, so he took a swing at you, but hit [insert action movie hero actor's name here]. [Action star] asked [sports celeb] to apologize, but [sports celeb] threw another punch, so [action star] called [wrestler] over and the both of them threw [sports star] out the window of the club. And since [sports star] is still sore at us, we avoid going to [sports league].
* There was that slumber party that Lisa-Marie invited us to at Graceland in 1977, but as the Presley estate is still paying us hush-money I really can't say more in public. Do you still have that collection of guitar picks?
* In the 1980s we went to Miami and got drunk with race car driver Danny Sullivan...but then he got arrested by the Miami Vice cops for something, I forget exactly what. We took a powerboat into the Bermuda Triangle after that. It sank, but we made it back to Florida by building a raft out of ganja bales. We would have been arrested ourselves but the flare gun burned up the evidence.
* There was that time we went surfing at Tuvalu and wound up stuck on the coral reef with those swimsuit models from Sports Illustrated...
* How about the time we were in Chicago, and broke into the Museum of Science & Industry after hours? You got in the cockpit of their Spitfire and I got in the tailgunner's seat of the Stuka and we made DAKKA-DAKKA-DAKKA noises at each other all night.
* You bought a new chainsaw, and needed to try it out, so we went to your hated uncle's place when he wasn't there and cut through all the load-bearing posts and beams. When he came back we were long gone, but had a webcam trained on the front door. The whole house imploded on cue like in the climax of Poultergeist!
* There was that party in Tampa where you insulted [insert sports celeb's name here] to his face, so he took a swing at you, but hit [insert action movie hero actor's name here]. [Action star] asked [sports celeb] to apologize, but [sports celeb] threw another punch, so [action star] called [wrestler] over and the both of them threw [sports star] out the window of the club. And since [sports star] is still sore at us, we avoid going to [sports league].
* There was that slumber party that Lisa-Marie invited us to at Graceland in 1977, but as the Presley estate is still paying us hush-money I really can't say more in public. Do you still have that collection of guitar picks?
Hey.
Some stories that make me wonder if brain cells are in short supply here:
1) Another security breach (as opposed to the hacking of credit card information elsewhere in the nation)--this time at the Oak Ridge facility where secrets of the Pentagon's nuclear weapons programs are kept. SIXTEEN illegal immigrants with forged documentation were allowed to work in the building that holds master plans for every weapon in our nuclear arsenal. There is no evidence that the men in question even got near the plans, but the fact that they nearly got away with it makes me wonder what else is still being missed by the people we trust with the ultimate assets of national security.
2) There is a scandal involving an FBI sting operation that caught a number of Tennessee state legislators (from both political parties) taking bribes. However, just today a legislator, when asked, says that the people should trust that the current ethical standards for the legislature are sufficient and that outside intervention isn't called for.
3) The Knoxville Area Chamber Partnership (the alliance of local Chambers of Commerce) sent me an e-mail today inviting me to join them. I wonder if they know anything at all about me? I guess I'll have to ask them to explain themselves.
* * *
In other news, findyourspot.com gave me the following list of places where I ought to be happy:
1) Houston, Texas
2) Tampa Bay Area, Florida
3) Orlando, Florida
4) Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
5) El Paso, Texas
Seeing that my 17 years in the vicinity of Tampa worked out about as well as I should have expected, then I suppose I'm not unjustified in missing the place like I do. My mother is going to San Antonio next year for a writers' conference; perhaps I should tag along with her and see what Texas is like.
FP
Some stories that make me wonder if brain cells are in short supply here:
1) Another security breach (as opposed to the hacking of credit card information elsewhere in the nation)--this time at the Oak Ridge facility where secrets of the Pentagon's nuclear weapons programs are kept. SIXTEEN illegal immigrants with forged documentation were allowed to work in the building that holds master plans for every weapon in our nuclear arsenal. There is no evidence that the men in question even got near the plans, but the fact that they nearly got away with it makes me wonder what else is still being missed by the people we trust with the ultimate assets of national security.
2) There is a scandal involving an FBI sting operation that caught a number of Tennessee state legislators (from both political parties) taking bribes. However, just today a legislator, when asked, says that the people should trust that the current ethical standards for the legislature are sufficient and that outside intervention isn't called for.
3) The Knoxville Area Chamber Partnership (the alliance of local Chambers of Commerce) sent me an e-mail today inviting me to join them. I wonder if they know anything at all about me? I guess I'll have to ask them to explain themselves.
* * *
In other news, findyourspot.com gave me the following list of places where I ought to be happy:
1) Houston, Texas
2) Tampa Bay Area, Florida
3) Orlando, Florida
4) Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
5) El Paso, Texas
Seeing that my 17 years in the vicinity of Tampa worked out about as well as I should have expected, then I suppose I'm not unjustified in missing the place like I do. My mother is going to San Antonio next year for a writers' conference; perhaps I should tag along with her and see what Texas is like.
FP
